Numb

For some time now I feel as though I'm going through the motions of life but not really living. I'm not sure if I'm going through some sort of depression or if it's just the post-holidays blues. Normally I'm a very happy, cheerful, giggly person but for the last few weeks I feel melancholy. I don't even know how to explain it really … it's like I just don't care. I don't get happy, sad, upset, or anything. I'm just kind of here. Numb.

It's like a robot. I try to say the right things, act the right way, give the facial expressions I think that others expect to see when they say something. I just don't feel anything lately. I have theories as to why this is.

1. The holidays are over. After all the excitement of Christmas, New Years, birthday, wedding there really isn't anything to look forward to for a while.

2. Busy season is nearly here. Maybe this is some sort of internal instinct that is reserving all of my energy so that I can make it through the upcoming months of grueling work.

3. I'm worried about my brother. He thought he was going to be graduating in December but we found out over the holidays that he ended up failing one of his classes. We've already moved him out of Austin and he had a job lined up that was supposed to start on January 12 (which was very exciting considering the economy right now). Due to this class he will have to move back to Austin, graduate, and look for another job since he wasn't able to start work for the other company due to his lack of a degree.

4. Sunset is at 5:45pm. I don't see the sun. Ever. I miss the sun. Everything around me is always dark with fake lighting and it's getting to the point where I just want to absorb some good ol' sunshine and spend a good deal of time outdoors without threat of frostbite. Okay, so there really isn't a threat of frostbite in Texas. Maybe I'm being a little melodramatic but don't blame me, blame my depression!

5. My brain is so dead that I cannot even think of another reason.

The main issue is whether or not I can fix this soon before I drive everyone around me crazy, not to mention myself. I can barely imagine what a bore I am to be around lately, even I am sick of being around myself.